- THE POOPIE
LIST
- THE "GHOST"
POOPIE:
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no
poopie in the toilet.
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- THE "CLEAN"
POOPIE:
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there
is nothing on the toilet paper.
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- THE "WET" POOPIE:
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels
unwiped so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt
and your underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
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- THE "SECOND WAVE"
POOPIE:
This happens when you're done poopie-ing, and you've pulled up
your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie
some more.
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- THE "POP A VEIN IN
YOUR FOREHEAD" POOPIE:
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically
have a stroke.
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- THE "GASSY"
POOPIE:
It's so noisy, everyone within ear shot is laughing.
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- THE "DRINKER"
POOPIE:
The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of
drinking. Its most noticable trait is the skid marks on the bottom
of the toilet.
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- THE "LINCOLN LOG"
POOPIE:
The kind of poopie that's so enormous you're afraid to flush
it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with
the toilet brush.
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- THE "POWER DUMP"
POOPIE:
The kind that comes out so fast that you barely get your pants
down when you're done.
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- THE "LIQUID PLUMBER"
POOPIE:
This kind of poopie is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows
all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from
the "Lincoln Log" poopie.)
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- THE "SPINAL TAP"
POOPIE:
The kind of poopie that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear
it's got to be coming out sideways.
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- THE "PORRIDGE"
POOPIE:
The type of poopie that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps
coming. You have two choices:
(a)
flush and keep going, or
(b)
risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
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- THE "I THINK I'M
TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POOPIE":
When you drop lots of little round turds that look like marbles
and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
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- THE "I'M GOING TO
CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POOPIE:
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates your insides
on the way out.
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- THE "WHAT THE HELL
DIED IN HERE" POOPIE:
Also sometimes referred to as the "Toxic Dump". Of
course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour.
Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show
as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
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- THE "I JUST KNOW
THERE'S A TURD STILL HANGING THERE" POOPIE:
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on
to drop off, because if you wipe it now, it's going to smear
all over the place.
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- THE "FIRE IN THE
BOWL" POOPIE:
The kind of poopie that singes the hair around your butt from
the big feed of Mexican food the night before.
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- THE "DINGLEBERRY"
POOPIE:
This is a living poopie. After a well taken poopie (often "Rabbit"
poopie), you flush. However the "dingleberry never goes
down. It sits at the bottom looking up at you. Often you leave
before you see it, but the next person will. The next person
usually finds another stall because they are afraid of the dingleberry,
as if the dingleberry is saying, "Go away. Get the hell
out of here. This is my home."
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- THE "SILLY STRING"
POOPIE:
- A thin poopie that swirls around the bowl
in one, continuous, unbroken link. Generally will leave it's
mark after flushing. You have the urge to call someone to come
and look.
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- THE "CRACKER"
POOPIE:
The poopie that resembles that cracker you had a few minutes
ago.
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- THE "BUDDHIST"
POOPIE:
The one that requires an hour of meditation.
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