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Having a bad day?
- For all of you who
occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take
it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you
know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone
call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered
nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Ricky and could I please speak
to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe
that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct
number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still
lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the
same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!"
and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass,"
and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd
answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!"
It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This
was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling
the jackass.
Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his
voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi, this is
Mike Smith with the sales office of the telephone company and
I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID
program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly
called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show
you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can
do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.
[Keep reading, it gets better.]
An old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the
parking place. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally,
she got the car in reverse and she began to move ...very slowly
backing out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her
plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.
All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking
aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started
honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy.
I was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He
walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of
jackasses in this world. Then I noticed he had a "For Sale"
sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number.
Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had
just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling,
"You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now
since I have his number on speed dial.)
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying
on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a
couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house
and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while things, seemed to be going better for me. Now when
I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several
months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just
wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely
saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black
Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying
your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung
up.
Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, Jackass!"
And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them
I was at1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my
gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel
13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street.
After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street
to watch the whole thing.
Glorious! Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each
othe in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter, and channel
13 news cameras!!! It was one of the greatest experiences of
my life!
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