* I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

* I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

* I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

* I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

* I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think.

* I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

* I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

* I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

* I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

* I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

* I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

* I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

* I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.