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Job Definitions
- Accountant
- Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of
nothing.
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- Auditor
- Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the
wounded.
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- Banker
- A fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
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- Economist
- An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted
yesterday didn't happen today.
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- Statistician
- Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality
to be an accountant.
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- Actuary
- Someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases
the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
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- Programmer
- Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a
way you don't understand.
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- Mathematician
- A blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which
isn't there.
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- Lawyer
- A person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a
"brief".
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- Psychologist
- A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters
the room.
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- Professor
- Someone who talks in someone else's sleep.
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- Schoolteacher
- A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
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- Consultant
- Someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you
the time.
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- Diplomat
- Someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.
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